Thursday, September 25, 2014

Don't Stop

My mom told me once that, while there were hundreds of moments in my childhood when she wished she could hit the pause button, she couldn't wait to find out what would come next. With each new milestone, with each new passing year, she only loved me more.

Yeah, my mama is a rock star at making sure I know that I am loved.

From the moment my son was born, I recognized him. When I first saw his beautiful face, I thought, "Yes, you're the one I've been waiting for all my life."  I've waited my whole life, no really, my whole life, to know that sweet face, but I still couldn't help feeling nostalgic when he turned first 24 hours old, then 24 days, then 24 weeks, 24 months...

I would certainly have liked more days of snuggling a newborn, more moments with a sleeping baby on my chest,  but I would never want to stop my little lion from growing up.

I hear it all the time from other moms, from my son's grandparents.

Why are you growing up so fast?
I wish you could just stop right where you are!
Oh, Ari, you have to stop growing up.

I get the sentiment, believe me. In the last three months, my son has transitioned from being nursed to sleep, to being rocked and sung to sleep, to "Ready to lay down, Mama" and I'm out of his room in less than five minutes.  Somewhere along the line, I lost the time I had with him at night. Does that make me sad? Yes. Does that make me want to stop time? No.
With each new day, each new week, some new, amazing development comes along.  We have zoomed from a cooing newborn whom my dad couldn't figure out how to hold, to a zippy preschooler who shouts, "Want to do rocket ship!" whenever he sees either of his grandfathers. 

We have moved from my son using his Lego table as a balancing device to using it as a construction zone for complicated airplanes, "We are going to the airport, zooooooommmmmmm!"

I can still interpret his cries - from the ones of pain, to the ones of frustration, to the fake ones - though, to be honest, the fake ones often sound like this, "Waaaahhhh, I am crying." But I can also have full conversations with my son.

Snippets from my morning.

Ari: Oh, look, a duck (there was no duck)
Mommy: You see a duck?
Ari: Yes, quack quack!

Mommy: It's raining, so you have to put a jacket on today.
Ari: But I like my shirt.  I want to see my shirt.

These are real conversations, people, where my two-year-old displays logic and memory.  He even "reads" books to me now and can request his favorite titles by name, even when they aren't right in front of him. He's not only the person I've waited my whole life to meet, but he's his very own person (I know, I've talked about this before...).

 I wouldn't slow down time, even if given the chance, because my son deserves the chance to grow up, to thrive.  I'll cherish the moments along the way and revel in his new tricks.

Little man, don't stop growing, don't stop changing. I'll love you as you are, in each moment in time.

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