On the way to visit my mom in the hospital last week, my two kids in the backseat, whining and needing to pee after an hour on the back roads, the sign advertising HUGE lots and BIG houses in a fairly prestigious area called to me.
I want the easy path.
Chuck it all and move somewhere cheaper with easier access to freeways? Ooooh, that sounds really good right now.
I had a rough week at work. My mom's health took a turn for the much worse. I cannot find a reasonable solution to, well, anything.
Big houses. Good schools.
I'll have to change jobs, and so will my husband. Who knows if the schools are actually any less complicated than our current "open enrollment" fiasco. And, you know what? That area has cheap houses because it's like 1,000 degrees hotter than wine country.
That whole #adulting reality came crashing down on my again. I cannot find an easy path.
I have to walk this path.
I have to grow up and deal with what happens at work (even if that means really learning how to say no).
I have to suck it up and face my mom's illness and try to sort out the practical matters so that she can live a meaningful, joyful life.
I have to swallow any guilt I feel about not choosing a particular school in a particular area for my son and just find the one that fits his needs.
I won't find a magical solution to wave over all of my problems. No gorgeous house waits around the corner, with room for my extended family and easy access to the school for my kids. Saying no at work will mean that I lose some of the power I've fought to gain. Progress will mean sacrifices and compromises.
I want to toss up my hands. I want to wiggle my nose three times and find some solutions.
So much has landed on my plate right now, and the idea of running away really sounds appealing, but I need to make the "adult" choice to stand and fight.
Here we go.