Something shifted in me after I had my second child (almost) six months ago. My ability to care simply vanished.
Oh, no, I still CARE about my kids, about my family, about things that matter (whether they matter in the big, wide world or not).
I don't care about what other people think (of me, my parenting, my life in general), and I don't care what anyone else does when raising their kids.
With my first, I would cringe when I watched other parents making a decision differently than I would. Too much TV? Too much candy? Giving into whining? What kind of people are you trying to raise???
And then, as quickly as my daughter arrived in the world, the concern I have about how other people raise their kids simply vanished.
Want to have your first grader's birthday party in a fancy hotel suite? Cool, do your thang.
Feel like taking your four-year-old for a mani/pedi? You do you.
Cut all of your seven-year-old's food into cutesy shapes? Whatevs.
I can't bring myself to bother how other people are "spoiling" their kids when I'm over here trying to keep mine from melting into little piles of melty meltyness (it's a thing, ask a parent). My son has far too many toys. My daughter currently only has her brother's toys, but she has a plethora of headbands, leg warmers, and colorful blankets, and I'd bet you $100 that they'll both get even more at Christmas. I can't stop buying books for the kids or storage bins for the house (thanks, 31!). And? So? I'm living my life. I run my race, you run yours.
I'm not gonna get on any social media site and grandstand about how my kids are going to grow up to be UHMAZING because of...blah blah blah. Let's be honest, we are all just trying to balance the crazy and raise kids who will be functional members of society. Fingers crossed, we can get there.
Yes, yes, yes, and yes! "I can't bring myself to bother how other people are "spoiling" their kids when I'm over here trying to keep mine from melting into little piles of melty meltyness" ---> It's a thing! :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I seriously used to care, and now...just do your thing!
DeleteI am pretty much on board with this!! I say pretty much because while it is my intention, I fall. A few months ago pop sugar moms posted this frozen birthday party for a little girl. It was seriously over the top. It was catered l, at a mansion (where they do weddings), and it basically looked like a wedding. Not kidding, this party probably cost 60-100k. I shared it and asked my followers their thoughts l, while saying that I Wondered What they would do for her wedding if she was having parties like that at 5. I think I mentioned an estimated cost. Well, the mom found me and unleashed a virtual shit storm. My comment wasn't that bad (I assume others were more harsh) but it definitely taught me a lesson!
ReplyDeleteYeah, there are moments when I care..like, I'm not going to throw my four year old a party at a hotel, but really, if someone else wants to do that with their own kid? How does that hurt me? Every time I start to judge (and it never really stops), I realize that no one is hurting me...
DeleteI do not have kids, but if I am lucky enough to have them one day, I hope I have your outlook!!
ReplyDeleteMeg x
www.anchoringchange.com
Ha, thanks! It's not easy - some people just beg to be judged ;).
DeleteI also do not have any kids yet, but I think this is a great outlook! In society, we spend too much time looking at what other people are doing and not enough time on ourselves and what truly matters!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.holisticbalancenutrition.co
Yeah, there's not enough time in my day to judge everyone else (though the desire is strong!).
DeleteAs a mom of teens, I've learned to adopt some of these policies as well. It' s all about balance and doing what you think is right for your family. Visiting from the blog hop. Confessions of a mother Runner
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm at the beginning of this parenting thing...I know the judging is sort of par for the course. I hope I can stay strong!
DeleteWelcome to the land of not judging others! I've been here for awhile and have to admit it's pretty fab. Parenting and LIFE in general is hard on a good day. I prefer to keep my eyes on my own paper so to speak. : )
ReplyDeleteHappy blog hop!
Thank you - I am enjoying the land of not judging!
DeleteI don't have children but I imagine how challenging all the little things, as well as all the big things must be. I have such admiration for parents and while I tend to compare in my head how children are being raised with my own childhood (yeah, sorry), I know a lot of what I think is the nostalgic effect and that every parent has to do what they think is best and just go with it.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for getting to the point where you realize you have to live life on your terms, not others and not imposing your terms on other people either. I salute you and hope I'll be that kind of parent someday too.
Http://Runwright.net
Thank you! Yeah, something just shifted with baby #2. I can't be bothered to compare anymore!
DeleteI'm 36 weeks pregnant with my first and this is great! It's hard as I wait impatiently for my baby to get hear not to scrutinize others. And I only hope that once she's here we don't get the judgement for our choices. I really like this mentality though and I'm going to try and adopt it for myself!
ReplyDeleteThe judging comes naturally to me, I find. I have to make an effort to turn it off. Of course, after baby #2, I was too tired to care!
DeleteGirl, I am so with you!! After my 2nd child I was diagnosed with a life-shortening disease, so I have learned to let it go and focus on what matters to me. And I refuse to care if people think I am a "bad" mom because I don't have my kids in this or that or they don't have this or that toy--my kids are loved and that is what matters!! GREAT post!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but I'm so glad it's helped you prioritize!
DeleteWhen it comes to kids, people, especially other moms, are all about the comparison thing. I like your attitude - just do you! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you - who has the time and energy to judge?
DeleteComing from the hop, nice to meet you! My youngest is now almost 16. You please do you. When my kids were small, social media was non-existent. Ignorance was bliss! I don't Facebook for a reason (and get a lot of flack about that!) because I don't think you get the real story in most cases. So, are people comparing themselves to a lot of made up fluff?
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, Facebook is a carefully cultivated personality - who wants to see pictures of my kids crying everyday?
DeleteThere will always be someone who thinks you are not doing this or that, someone who will always look down on you and judge you for whatever reason they think of today. You do your thing an raise your kids to be best ability you can, stay true to yourself and all the other nonsense will work out just fine. ;) My 2 cents ;) Nice to connect with ya from the Hop!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by - and yes, there's always a reason to judge...just keep on pushing!
DeleteSounds like you definitely have your hands full, but in a great way with family. :)
ReplyDeleteI too LOVE photography, so we have that in common! My first camera was a 110 as well. A little pink one. From there it only grew my love of the craft. Reminds me how bad I've been about taking my Nikon out for adventures lately.
Ha! Yes, those Nikons call out for adventure!
DeleteGreat post and very honest. Life is so much more fun to live with that mindset. Everybody usually has different ways to go about everything - so be it. Enjoy your family and doing what you know is right for your family!
ReplyDeleteThank you - run your own race, right?
DeleteFor me, it's all about balance. Sometimes I struggle to get dinner on the table and other times I can put together a Pinterest worthy birthday party.
ReplyDeleteOh, totally. I'm in full Pinterest Christmas mode right now, but my kid's lunch yesterday was a mish-mash of leftovers (he actually ate it better than other, more carefully created lunches, though).
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