On Mothering Without a Mother

I recently published an article about my own mother's love for me on Her View From Home.

This article is a work of love, and it was also cathartic to write.

I've written about and struggled with the idea of being a mom without my mom around.  Five years after her death, I still want to call her or text her every single day. 

I want to tell her about the toddler's new words - who wouldn't want to know that he begs to "Tay ou-side!" when asked to come inside at almost any point during the day?

I want to ask her for guidance on handling my daughter's big emotions, since I can't always relate.

I want to tell her how proud she should be of my oldest for the good choices he's making and how comfortable he is talking to us about any challenges he faces.

There's the religious side of me that knows she knows, but I miss the feedback. I will never not need my mom. 

I'm thinking of her today, because she loved holidays. She always made me feel loved on Valentine's Day. While I wondered if I would ever find a partner to love me in the way I wanted to be loved, I never doubted that I had love, that I was loved. 

Because of my mom, Valentine's Day has always been about more than romantic love. 

And that feeling remains, long into adulthood, and half a decade after her death.

Hopefully, I can give that same sense of warmth and comfort to my own children.