Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Don't Say This to an Overdue Mom...

Thank goodness my little one finally made her appearance, but these tips occupied my mind as I waited for her just last week.

As I sit and stare at my ever expanding belly. No, as I impatiently wait for the first painful contraction to actually be followed by a second this time, I realize that this overdue business is nonsense. On top of the discomfort and the anxiousness, there are the questions and the comments.  On behalf of all overdue moms (especially those of us who have done this more than once, sigh…) whose patience has run as thin as our cervixes should have, here is what NOT to say.

  • No baby yet? - Uhm, there’s a baby. She’s snug in my belly and making very few moves for a departure. And, also? I wouldn’t be shopping at Target if I were in labor, just saying.

  • When Are You Due? - Many days ago. Many, many days ago.  Strangers, stop asking people when their babies are coming. Just as a general rule...if I don’t know you, you don’t need to know when this kid was meant to pop out of my belly, although I’ll admit that the looks of shock are rather entertaining.

  • Try to Get Rest While You Can - Mmmkay. I’ll enjoy some glorious beauty sleep through the frequent Braxton Hicks contractions, the hourly potty breaks, and the near constant need to find a new position.

  • Maybe the Baby is Waiting for XXX Date, That Would Be Cool - They’re all cool birthdays in one way or another, and I sincerely doubt that this brand new tiny human has any concern about when exactly her birthday is.

  • Baby Will Come When Baby Is Ready -  Go ahead, tell me one more time about the free will of my unborn child. Tell me that as I breathe through another misleading contraction, because once I’m done with that, I’ll probably need to punch you…

  • Baby is Just Getting Nice and Pudgy - Yep, tell the woman who is about to push a child out of a 10 cm opening about how big this child is getting. That’s just what I want to hear right now.

  • Have You Tried….? - Yes, I’ve tried them all. Because Google.  I won’t be using that castor oil, though, because birth is messy enough, thanks.

  • What Worked For Me Was… - See above. You know what worked for me last time? A little wonder drug, administered at a hospital, that finally sent me into labor.  It’s not exactly something I can try at home.

  • Well, Keep Us Posted - I hadn’t planned on telling anyone about the birth of this child until sending out first birthday party invitations, but now that you mention it, I will be sure to send a text and a photo when she arrives. Thanks for the reminder.

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